Nope, not a vet

Some people, like Otterbutt and Kendall-Jackson will remember my mishap with Ebony the black bunny that I accidentally burned up to death on our back porch. (west-facing full-sun porch is no excuse I understand)


















Well today I am walking around with a 5 inch scratch down my face from CRAZY KT's new bunny. Now she has 3 new bunnies, 2 new dogs, 1 old dog, 1 dog with three legs and 2 cats.
I understand the need for a recently divorced crazy to need the comfort of lovely little pets... but this is excessive on anyone's standards. Also, my friend Sporty Spice, has now decided to not get hitched but to live out her days "house-sitting" for her crazy friends. Her current "job" has 3 dogs, one bunny, one toad and 19 thousand plants which require a WATERING MAP to follow including multiple colors of highlighter indicating every day and every other day instructions.

I want to be the kind of animal lover (somewhere between otterbutt and kendall actually) but I'm just not. My face itches, my eyes water and it's a miracle that the animals I have - KIDS INCLUDED - are still alive. In fact, it has been noted that animals prefer to pee on me than make friends. My friend Shrek can attest that his larger than life Great Dane named Goose scares the living shit out of me and I seriously think it will eat my kids if left alone.

Now, I do like a dog and cat every now and then which does put me in different animal "lover" category than Maestra. But seriously, enough is enough.

My first job was a dry cleaning "wench" at Mr. Roberts the Dry Cleaners. When I was fetching dirty laundry out of cars, I once found a fucking IGUANA on the woman's arm - and she was DRIVING. Not only was I surprised that iguanas enjoyed automobile rides, but that she thought it was unnecessary for me to run screaming from said auto.

So don't even get me started on gerbils or hamsters (named Murray or otherwise), fish, frogs, wombats... let's just let the nature nurture itself.