The Letter (with panic)

Dear Parents,
Police are investigating a case of lewdness near our school playground. This morning a man drove up to the south fence of the playground and exposed himself to a student.
(WHAT!)
The student reacted just as she should. (Did she cry? or scream?) She ran to a teacher who was supervising recess, and that teacher immediately called the police. (oh good they do have phones). Police responded to our playground within 5 minutes. (Why? what else were they doing?!) Unfortunately, the suspect had already fled the scene. (of course)
The school is taking immediate action to protect our students. A barrier will be placed along the fence, limiting the view from the playground to the adjacent parking lot. (one that is just high enough to hide the pants?) Teachers are carrying cell phones (I'm sure they have to pay for their own) and security measures will be in place.
Etc. Etc.

Followed up by an email asking for more parental support during recess. (great - more things working parents can't do)

(Oh and this happened the SAME week we decided to leave our son to play in that playground for After-care. Great. Just Great.

"Well, mom, it didn't happen to me."
"Well what would you do if it did happen?"
"I would tell the teacher."
"And me?"
"Yes."

Kids are on lock down until further notice - I've seen enough Law and Order to know better. We will be in the basement - send provisions.)